


Just Give Me A Reason

by Tamasha



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Gay, Hopeful Ending, Loss, Love, M/M, Male Slash, Marriage, Modern Era, One Shot, Past Character Death, Relationship(s), Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 12:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4349195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamasha/pseuds/Tamasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the song 'Just Give Me A Reason' by P!nk. Arthur and Merlin have been growing apart, but Arthur isn't ready to even admit until Merlin says something, and then they both have to face their relationship and make a decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Give Me A Reason

**Author's Note:**

> written by Natasha

Arthur heard the click of the lock, but didn’t look up from his work. He had a patient's file spread out before him, and he was trying desperately to find something, anything, that he might have missed. He heard Merlin’s feet dragging and suspected his partner's day had been no better than his own. When Merlin entered the kitchen, he shuffled about, probably making himself a hot chocolate to nurse on. He wouldn’t drink alcohol before dinner.

Arthur continued to pore over his notes as Merlin sat across from him. There was silence for a while, and then Merlin shattered it. "Are we done, then, Arthur?"

His tone was biting and he sounded as if he was picking up from a conversation they had left off on earlier. Arthur looked up, completely blindsided. "I'm sorry?" he asked, a little incredulous.

Merlin looked like shit, and he could use a good night's sleep. He probably hadn’t been eating enough, either, but it was something Arthur had let slip. Since the... incident, they had both developed bad habits to help them cope. Arthur wasn't really qualified to scold anymore.

Merlin sighed, his face softening, but his next words were anything but. "Look, we both know this is more than just a 'rough patch.' We barely speak to each other anymore, it's like we are strangers, or ghosts. I hear you talking to your friends, and I know you are holding things back from me. When we do manage to talk to each other, it always ends up in a fight. I think you haven't really considered it, or maybe you just don't know how to say it, but I feel like you've had enough. We obviously aren't going anywhere anymore. Should we just break it off?"

Arthur reminded himself to breath, and otherwise just stared at Merlin. His forever partner, Merlin. "I don't know where this is coming from, Merlin. I thought that we were fine," he said, just to break the ominous silence. His voice cracked on Merlin’s name, like he was a teenager again.

Merlin’s face didn’t change. He stayed solemn, a little sad, but mostly just exhausted. They both were. "You know that's not true."

Okay, so maybe he was right. They weren’t fine, but who would be? They were making it through, though. Right? He just stared at Merlin, saying nothing.

Merlin exhaled slowly, and ripped his gaze away, looking instead at his fingers wrapped around the handle of his mug. "We were great, once. We had everything, and it was perfect. That’s not us anymore."

Arthur frowned, not sure how to argue that point. We still have everything, he wanted to say, but that wasn't true. There had been loss and now all they had was each other. But wasn't that the point? Arthur tried to tell Merlin that, but what came out was an accusation: "So you’re giving up?"

Merlin flinched, but didn’t meet his eyes. "Give me a reason, Arthur. Just... one reason for me to stay with you, and I will."

Arthur thought about his broken heart, about they way that seeing Merlin’s pain reminded him of his own pain. It was a vicious cycle, and neither of them was well enough to help the other out. He thought about the day he asked Merlin to be his partner for life, and the light in Merlin’s eyes when he said yes. That light wasn’t there anymore. He glanced at his work, in which he had been burying himself lately. Merlin had been doing the same in his own work. It wasn’t ideal, but it helped to distract from the gaping hole in their home. So did the alcohol. Arthur stared hard at Merlin, but the dark head did not rise. He found that he had nothing to say, and after a long wait, Merlin slowly stood up and walked out of the house.

Arthur let out a held breath when the door shut. So that was it. He dropped his head directly onto the table. He needed a drink. It wasn’t until after his third shot that reality hit him hard, in the stomach, and he crumpled to his knees. In the middle of the kitchen in an empty house, Arthur made sobbing noises, but no tears came out.

 

~~~~~~

 

Friday night at seven thirty, Merlin lay on a stiff hotel bed, staring up at the fan lazily spinning round and round. He felt the vibration of his phone and he ignored it at first. Insistent, it kept buzzing. It was a call, not a text. Annoyed, he pulled it out and flipped it open simultaneously. "Hello?"

There was a pause long enough that Merlin almost hung up. Then, "You had been having nightmares..."

"Arthur," Merlin said flatly. He knew that there were words to be said, that it couldn't end like this, but he wasn’t ready for it yet. He wasn’t sure when he would ever be ready.

There was a heavy breath on the other end, then he continued. "Every time I woke to your thrashing, I knew what you were dreaming about, and then I couldn't sleep either. It was just... too much." And then he had begun sleeping on the couch, without a word of explanation. Hearing this, now, was just painful. Arthur waited, as if he had offered an apology, a solution. As if this would fix anything.

Merlin closed his eyes against a threatening headache. "That's not what this is about, Arthur. We could sleep together every night, and we'd still be broken."

"Just a second," Arthur said angrily. "We're not broken. Just... bent. We just need some work."

Merlin turned to his side, wanting to believe him. Not sure whether he should. "You really think we could fall in love again?" he asked, more vulnerable than he was used to being with Arthur anymore.

There was quiet on the other end, and when Arthur spoke, he sounded a little desperate. "I never stopped loving you, Merlin."

Merlin felt a lump grow in his throat. He couldn’t say why this took him by surprise. Arthur loving him should have been the most natural thing in the world. Ever since the death of their daughter, though, the world had been turned upside down and Merlin hadn’t known what to believe. But this...

"Please, Merlin, don't say you didn't know that." Arthur's voice sounded too tinny and distant. Merlin blinked away uncalled-for tears and wished he was home. "It's been hard, and we'll always have scars on our hearts. But you are still there in my heart, under everything." The unspoken question hung in the air, causing Merlin’s breathing to hitch.

"I... I guess I forgot. Our destiny together seemed to have crumbled, and..."

"That can be repaired," Arthur said softly.

"I do love you, Arthur," Merlin told him.

Merlin could hear the smile in his response. "Our love is enough. We'll come through this stronger than before. You can't keep your problems to yourself anymore, though. We are in this together," he warned.

Merlin nodded, though Arthur couldn’t hear it. "And your drinking, Arthur? That was never a solution."

"I know," he responded reluctantly. "I will stop entirely, if that is what it takes. Just... come home, Merlin? I can't spend another night without you next to me."

Merlin bit his lip, relief flooding his body. "It's been too long," he agreed. "I'll be there soon."

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have loved this song form the moment it came out, so naturally, I had to write Merlin and Arthur into this situation. It turned out shorter than I expected, but really, those two can't stand being apart, so... I hope you liked it as much as I did! Let me know all your thoughts. ;)


End file.
